Life and times of a pussycat this is useless rambling of a bored college student...this is where i vent!



Wednesday, April 17, 2002 :::
 
haev you to yet hit that point in the hot weather that you don't want to do ANYTHING except maybe lounge in the shower or a pool?? well, taht's where i am now. i have a paragraph of my reasearch paper that is due on friday, but i dunno how much more will come to me tonight. i am sponsering a new studetn tommorow night, so taht means no work for sonja i am sure. i jstu need to find my damned ra to get that paper work done. urg.

i am not happy right now. i just watche d areally sad movie and my bill was supposed to cal, but you know how taht goes. so no word from him at all and i jsut wanna be loved right now. i just feel so drained becuase of this heat. i did yoga a while ago, but even that didn't help. maybe it is time for a nice cold shower...

::: posted by Sonja at 9:44 PM


 
what a nice day outside it is today, but i didn't spend much of it outside becuase of the lack of sunblock....

i haev a feeling my suitemates don't like me...every time i come home they all close thier doors...except michelle...

maybe i should't haev bought those wind chimes....they will be moved...

i should really be wrtting that research paper, but i have ZERO motivation....yea for procratinating!!

::: posted by Sonja at 5:56 PM



Tuesday, April 16, 2002 :::
 
ok...i am better now. bill came up here and we yelled and things are better now. today was just too nice to fight. we strolled around campus and went out etc. and i got sunburned quite a bit....sunblock would be a worthy investment.

right now i really and too blank to write anything, but all you out there...don't worry about me. i am ok.

::: posted by Sonja at 8:54 PM



Monday, April 15, 2002 :::
 
there it is again...that image and i canot seem to make it fade completely. today was going so well too, but then i got here and on the phone. i haven't been in a major fight for a while, and i am just empty now. it got to the point where i just hung up and didn't answer. why am i such a bitch? how come all the arguments i make are selfish, and not considering other feelings?? especaillly wiht him. too possesive comes to mids. i seem to live two separate lives...one her at school, alone and happy adn then one with him..it seems that so often it seems easier being across the distance, and not having to separte yourself from friends when he's her/ everything seems to fall apart when i am separated from both parties. am i really the glue that holds us all together?? i don't want that kinds of responsibility. why can't i8 just lead my life alone as a hermite? it would make things so much easier. no one would feel guilty. no one would feel possesive. adn no one would e the bitch i am, discounting feelings b/c they are not my own. sometimes i really do wonder if i care about anything or not. what are emotions really? why is there a timy voice in my head saying this really doesn't matter and this is stupid when i am crying or even laughung sometimes. it seems there are two different mes...one that outside sees and the inside me that mocks my every move, making me feel indifferent to everything. life long ago was so much simpler..i wouldn't be expected to be as much as i am and i could just dissapear into my own thoughts and mind.

::: posted by Sonja at 8:53 PM



Sunday, April 14, 2002 :::
 
that image is still burned into my mind and every time i close my eyes, or try to empty my mind....there it is..in all it's glory for me to see. this makes me unhappy. the picture is starting to fade a bit, but it still buggs me. people dream for a reason, and my dreams usually have some meaning...and that does not bode well for my romantic future. this is not good at all, and it depresses me. grrr....why do i have to be so emotional, especially when i am here as a guest. this doesn't make me happy. i just wanna go home and deal with this on my own...i.e. sitting in my room moping and crying, etc...urg.

::: posted by Sonja at 6:11 PM


 
it has been so nice out for the past couple of days and i have enjoyed spending them here with jenny jenny....it's nice to have a cat wake you up in the morning and go out to the movies and ice cream and mall and and and and...ok...i'm not awake yet, but i do have something to get off my chest.

i had a drem last night and the image is permantly burned into my mind. i had gone to some navy school to visit billy and low and behold i found him naked in bed...(ereaygde) with another woman...the beautiful rachel no less. i dunno why, but taht has made me so uncomfortable adn even though i know nothing is up, it feels like it is. i'm treatened somewhere i my mind and it is bothering me to no end. this is not a good thing. there is mroe, but it is too private to wrtie here...urg. i really don't feel any better

::: posted by Sonja at 10:57 AM






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this is useless rambling of a bored college student...this is where i vent!



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